remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
