Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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