He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
