I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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