So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
