i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
