WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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