3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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