I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
