When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
