I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
