he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
