i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
