Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
