insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize