I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
