All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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