What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
