How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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