Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
