Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
