She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
