So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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