Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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