dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dick very happy bro
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
