I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
