tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize