you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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