I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
