alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
50% drunk capacity currently
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
