She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
