Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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