Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
