...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
