i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
