Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
