I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
