I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
