Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was born a porn star she said
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
