Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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