Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
