I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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