i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
