It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
