how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What drink are we having for lunch?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
