There was a lot of him and a little penis
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
