I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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