How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
