I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
