I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
