Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
