I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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