Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
