Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
smell my finger.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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