I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
