So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
