i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
