6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
