he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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