covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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