Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
