Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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