dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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