If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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