so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
