Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
