R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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