the day after is always just damage control
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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