Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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