fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
