i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
