If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
