i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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