I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
