i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
