Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
