They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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