the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Operation Purity has been aborted
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm too high and old for this...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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