i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
