After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
