so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
