someone get that fucking seahorse.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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