if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
