Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
