There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
