He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
