so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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