You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
