im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
