Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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