ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
