he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize