im drinking this country out of the recession.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize