hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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